5 Tips To Stop Complaining
If you have a reputation for being a complainer or a grumpy old person, remind yourself that there's no smoke without fire… Before your bad temper drives everyone away, you can change course and make a resolution to complain less. Here are 5 tips to try to stop grumbling.
1- Becoming aware of the problem.
Even when one has a reputation for being grumpy, we generally underestimate the number of times we complain throughout the day. According to Christine Lewicki, the author of the book "I Stop Complaining," we complain on average 15 to 30 times a day, and sometimes more!
This personal development trainer, who is herself a former complainer, has developed a 21-day method to stop complaining and a website on the subject (see the link below).
The first tip she gives is to wear a bracelet and switch it to the other wrist whenever one catches oneself grumbling. By trying out the bracelet method, you will be able to evaluate how much of a complainer you are and better understand why those around you criticize your bad temper.
Identify one's automatic behaviors.
When one gets into the habit of complaining about everything and anything, one ends up uttering “I’m fed up” and “I’ve had enough” at the start of every sentence, without even realizing it.
The second tip to stop grumbling is to listen to oneself speak. By paying attention to the words and sighs that come out of your mouth, you can identify your automatic responses.
Each person has their own way of grumbling and favorite expressions to voice their discontent. Spotting these automatic responses allows one to find an alternative, that is, another way of doing things.
Of course, getting rid of negative reflexes doesn't happen overnight. But if you make a firm resolution to change and are motivated, you will eventually think twice before complaining.
Stop the exaggerations.
Complainers find a certain pleasure in grumbling and seem to seize every opportunity to do so. They voice their displeasure loudly and clearly, even when the situation does not warrant such an extreme reaction.
If you're used to saying that you "always" pick the wrong line at the supermarket checkout or the gas pump, and that your children or grandchildren are "the worst behaved" you know, you're probably exaggerating a bit...
Another tip to stop complaining is to put things into perspective and to stop getting angry over trivial matters. By distancing yourself from the events that upset you, you will learn to put them in their proper place. If you manage to do this, you will be much more zen because you won't make a mountain out of everything.
4- Reprogramming one's brain.
While it's legitimate to complain in certain cases, chronic complainers tend to keep saying that nothing is right. They get upset over everything, even trivial matters, which of course negatively impacts their brain and mood.
Another tip to stop complaining is to counteract this tendency and to apply the principles of positive thinking. Positive thinking is a mental attitude that focuses on the good side of things.
You don't have to be a big optimist from the start to test this method. To become more positive, you should practice daily:
• to savor the present moment when it's pleasant.
• to not anticipate problems and life's annoyances.
• to not worry in advance about what might happen.
• to rejoice in the small joys that life offers (you can, for example, note them down each evening in a journal or express your satisfaction out loud).
• to say thank you and, more broadly, to show gratitude for what you have.
Engage in dialogue instead of grumbling.
When a situation is unpleasant, it's easy to start complaining. However, in reality, this isn't the most effective method to resolve the issue. It is often more useful to engage in dialogue to find a solution and calm the atmosphere at home or work.
The last tip to stop complaining is to talk instead of grumbling to yourself in your corner. Whatever the problem that is bothering you, seek the right person for a constructive discussion.
Be aware: it is pointless to involve people who can do nothing about it! Address the person involved directly (your spouse, your children, or your boss) in order to find common ground. Not only is dialogue more effective than moaning, but it also helps to build peaceful and fulfilling relationships with those around you.
